Counting it Down - 2 weeks

Yes, I've been miserable about keeping up with this. I am still not sure it was a conscious choice as much as a very busy 6 months. Things are slowing down - should close out most work stuff this week and then I think all there is to do is wait. Wait and order things on-line...I've been on a bit of a spree lately, but all things that were good. Nursing bras, baggus, books, diaper trash cans with biodegradable liners.

I feel great. The minor sciatic pain I was having is gone. I am a bit achy when I get up from sleeping in the middle of the night, but overall, I couldn't ask for me. I did have some sphincter pressure on Friday, which seemed like it could be a sign of something, but then again, everything seems like a sign of something (i.e. labor starting) these days.

We are finalizing our birth plan with our doula, Elena, tomorrow. I am still holding out for being able to do this without drugs. I am a pretty calm person, and think I can breath through it, but then I start to think this is very naive. Then I think, millions of women around the world do this without drugs so I should be able to as well. We'll see. I think part of my objection is to the epidural - the last one I had made me so nauseous and I had queasy. It also didn't take quite right, and while I know that was a fluke, it sticks with me. Finally, I don't want things slowed down because I can't feel anything. I want to feel (she says now - when there is no pain). So, as I said, we'll see.

I think we may have a winner for baby girl. Ripley Annabel Wilson. I hadn't remembered that Annabel was on the list, but I checked today, and it was - from back in October. It has a Baltimore connection for us. Annabel Lee by Poe. And Baltimore has been a pretty important place for us. I think I like it better than Ripley Skye, which would be second. The only drawback of Ripley Annabel is that her initials would be RAW. Not the end of the world and it probably won't change our decision, but interesting to make a note of.

I've been waking up much earlier than usual (made it to 7:15 this morning - 5:30 is more the norm), so maybe I'll get back to this writing stuff. I've been reading a lot of blogs recently, and I think there is a difference in writing blog post you know someone else will read, and writing ones for yourself, like I am doing here. I did start a second blog (Joy in the Mundane), which I think I would open up to others. I have to do some thinking about whether I want to continue both of them, or just one or the other. Keeping up with two and a newborn could be madness.

Off to eat some sweet breakfast treats...

Little Lime

It has been a while - I know. Here we are at Week 11 (little lime - up from kumquat last week), and as far as I can tell, all is well. Again, I still get a bit worried when I think about how I don't feel pregnant so I won't know if something is going wrong, but I can't fixate on this. I just need to keep eating right, taking my pills, and trying to stay positive.

Had a major melt-down on Friday with Chad. He wouldn't wait with me at Samos and walked out. He said he couldn't stay. It freaked me out a bit that he couldn't put me first and overcome what was going on with to do something that was important to me. I need to stay more even tempered, but I also need him to know that he has to think of me a bit more. The rest of the weekend was actually really good. Bought our first baby book - none of them looked very good. Oh, and I bought a much lighter computer so I could carry little lime and the computer at the same time.

I think I need to come clean with Ed about the lack of progress on my dissertation. Or I have to suck it up and really do it. But I also have to study for the Praxis this weekend. I am not sure when it is all going to happen. So here I am blogging as another way to avoid real work. Maybe if I go grade a few papers for an hour, I will feel better about things? This was supposed to be about little lime - next time more of a focus on what is truly important.

Plans for telling the families

So I mailed 2 envelopes to Mom/Dean and Flossie today. Inside were three smaller envelopes - one with my Google 15 goal of 165 lbs, one with a calendar with June 1 circled, and one of the initial sonogram. I am going to call this weekend and have them open the envelopes one at a time. I really did think about going down to Houston when I saw one of the SWA specials today. Part of me still wants to do this, and I am not sure why I wouldn't, but I don't know that I am going to make it happen.

We are going to tell the Kramers this weekend when we see them. I think we'll do the same sort of envelope opening? Or maybe Chad will have an idea.

I haven't felt very pregnant at all this week - even my sore breasts are not as sore. And while I am not one to worry, it does give me pause that I still don't feel pregnant so I wouldn't know if something was not going as it should. I will be sure to write when I do feel pregnant - it will be a momentous day.

7 weeks 6 days

So it sounds like I am 7 weeks and 6 days along - which is practically 8 weeks (tomorrow) which is 2 months. This was the good news. It looks like June 1 could be my due date, but they'll have an official report to share.

Dr. Wu didn't call to give me the due date, but to tell me that the ultra sound showed that I have a subchorionic hemmorage hanging out with little bean. A really small one, he said - 1.3 cm by 2.4 cm (if I wrote it down right). He said it could have been the cause of the spotting a couple of weeks ago. And there is really not much to be done - it should get reabsorbed because it is so small.

A quick search on the internet was a bit scary...I think I might have to stop reading discussion boards. This is a link to an informational page. Dr. Wu said there wasn't much to be done and the medical site say the same thing. Basically that if you are going to miscarry, you are going to miscarry. Many of the board sites, though, say you should go on bed rest, not have sex and a million other things. I guess I am going to go with what Dr. Wu said, but probably won't keep doing any double-rides on the bike. Miscarriage increases with age - doubling for those over 35 (like me), so I am back to being worried and wondering if we should wait through the first trimester (after which the chance of miscarrying goes down significantly) to tell people. We were thinking about doing it next weekend, but I think I'll talk to Chad about backing it up to Thanksgiving again. It is so hard not to say anything, though! But I don't want people worrying about me and little bean.

Introducing Little Bean

Ok - so it is not the best picture. And we still don't have a due date (hopefully tomorrow), but here is little bean's first photo. There is also a short video that Chad took before the tech told him he couldn't. I might try to find a way to link it later...

The Bean and the Beat

So, there is a tiny amazing life inside of me. I hoped to have a picture, but the vaginal sonogram wasn't set up for this. On Wednesday, I'll have the "real" one and actually get a due date, although Dr. Wu does say he thinks I am about 8 weeks along - given the size of my uterus.

It is hard to explain what we say, but there in black and white were two little pulsing dots. The heart beat of the child inside of me. Despite the fact that I don't really feel quite pregnant. Despite the fact that I still have all the worries of what could go wrong. It was OK for a crystal clear moment when the pregnant from the CVS stick became truly real.

Lots to start thinking about. Once we have the due date, we are going to start strategizing on when to tell people. The parents first. Then probably the Broadway Overlook crew. Then longer distance friends. Right now, we are leaning against an amniocentesis, but might get genetic counseling just to get more information. I think we are in this no matter what, so I am not sure what getting the amnio would add - other than the stress of the potential it has for causing miscarriage. I don't want a needle near my little bean, unless there is a really good reason to do it.

Little boys and more on Beverages

I spent a couple of hours last night babysitting the Kannam boys. As you can see from my list, I am leaning heavily towards names for girls, and I can't say exactly why. Maybe it goes back to my early years babysitting the Kyla, Kenna crew? I seemed to always relate a bit better to little girls. Not that I don't have fun with the Kannam boys - just a bit more effort.

Even so, I think we are up for just about anything. At my age, the word healthy continues to cross my mind. And if this means not even cheating once or twice a week with the nutra-sweet, so be it. I wish Dr. Pepper had a caffeine-free version. I think I could do regular caffeine-free Dr. Pepper, not sure I can do regular caffeine-free coke or pepsi.

I was looking at juices today and so many of them have so much darn sugar - and end up being 300 or more calories each. I know I am supposed to be taking in more calories, in fact, I think it is about 300 more per day - not that I have a baseline to know how much more this is. But I suppose by not having my normal 2-3 glasses of wine per week, I am down calories there, so I probably would be OK with more juice. I just have to find a brand that is not pure sugar and syrup. I need to start making my list of questions for the nurse practitioner, and I suppose I should find that health survey.