Monday, October 1, 2007

Spot Watch - October 1st

So, definitely still spotting which keeps me on edge, despite the fact that I did do a bit of reading on the internet (quite dangerous, if one is the super-nervous type) and discovered that there seems to be no rhyme or reason to spotting and when it is actually a miscarriage.

I talked with Dr. Wu today. He truly is such a nice man. We are going to schedule a sonogram to check on a heart beat (although I wonder if you are too small for this yet) and to see if we can get a due date. Somehow, I think a due date would perhaps make things more real. Or might make me believe that I am pregnant. I am not asking for morning sickness necessarily, but I am still struggling with the fact that I don't feel pregnant, so how am I going to know if something does go wrong, and I end up not pregnant. Yes, my breasts are sore, but they've been sore before. And I am a bit tired, but it has been a busy week so if I didn't "know" I was pregnant, would I notice being any more tired than usual?

From what I've read and from talking to Dr. Wu, it sounds like the only way to know this is if there is a much heavier flow of blood. Which means I will stay on edge for a while longer. Like being in a holding pattern. I can't bring myself to get excited, and by waiting to tell my sister, I missed the week window of being-nervous-but-not-being-skeptical. Now I am solidly skeptical and I don't think I can bring myself to tell her until I am somehow more sure of things - but I am not sure what it is going to take to make me more sure of things. I suppose the sonogram will help?

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